‘April’s been bugging me about getting a car for over a year now. It just makes me feel guilty.” He didn’t respond. I held the envelope at each end, staring at it. “You want it to go into an account. But I need to use it as a down payment on a car. But then it would be like you didn’t do anything for me. You know what I mean?” He reached over and tapped the envelope. “You know what? That’s for you. We’re going to open up that account. I’ll work out something on a used car.’ April came down the stairs with a piece of paper in her hand. She grabbed a soda from the fridge and leaned against the counter next to the sink. Jake looked at her shortly and then turned back to me. “She does need a car, I agree.” I slowly shook my head. “But I can’t let it be on you.” He put his arm around me. “I told you, this is your day. I’ll find something for a few grand. It’ll be okay.’ I looked at April and scoffed. “The only used car she’ll take runs $20,000.” He was shocked but quiet. “$20,000? Oh,. That’s just bad for a human being. We are by nature a social creature. We will take up with the worst sort of crowd if we think they are the only ones who will takes us in. I know. I’ve sat at millionaires tables and I’ve sat on a ragged couch in a dank garage where a druggie lived and a lot of time druggies and other low lifes are more compassionate. They know what it’s like to get kicked in the face by life forty or fifty times. I honestly didn’t know if I had a place in the world until I was in my early 20’s.It was during my first vision quest. I was doing it in some swampy woods in the fall near a river. I was nude with just a blanket, my k-bar knife and a gallon of water. I was in the middle of a large bush so humans wouldn’t find me. It was a time of fasting and prayer. A time of closing in on oneself and shutting down the chattering monkey mind while becoming ever more aware of the world around you. If you were lucky you would slip into the land of the spirit and they would.
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